Being a mother

As I sit here on my flight to Arizona I struggle with the guilt of being a mother. Sever people at work today asked me "Are you excited about your weekend trip"? Yes, I am excited I would answer. But my heart felt sad at the same time so no, I wasn't excited is what I felt I should have said.

I don't know if mommy guilt ever goes away. I mean my kids are 21(almost) and 17. My youngest is the only one at home and she is leaving for college in 3 months. She pushes me out the door as I try to smoother her with kisses and hugs knowing I'm leaving her behind. She politely takes the affection and says "bye see ya Monday" it is more than obvious the guilt lay within me not her.

I don't leave my children....the standing joke used to be everywhere I went you could see them tagging along like a mother duck. Gone are the days of them wanting to be with me everyday. Most days I have to see if either one has free time for me. They are both growing up. My son has a family of his own and my daughter is on the fast track to adulthood. I am now the soon to be empty nester and I hate it. I still want them to need me the way I need them. Does this make sense?

So as I sit on this plane heading to AZ for my best friends 40th birthday. I struggle with happiness & mommy guilt.