Testing......1...2...3...4 is anyone there?

I've been a blog "stalker"  for over a year now. Following all of my favorite blogs, reading them on the regular and within the last few months I have even been commenting. I had thought long and hard about starting a blog. Actually I started one quite awhile ago and then eh....quit. It's kinda like diet and excersise...I do the same with those two lovies :) Now I'm giving the blogging world another shot. I started blogging again a few months ago. I have 1 follower...but at least I am not alone on this little blog of mine. Maybe I'll never reach the Mama L. or Skinny Meg status that I dream of but hey....I'm just a girl with a dream.  I figure I'll just treat it like an online counselor. I will tell my blog how my day was and hope for some good advice. If not I am pretty good at telling myself what to do lol.

Can't remember if I have filled y'all in on this but I'm Joanne and I lead a boring  normal life. Mom to 2 kids (17,21) and girlfriend to a special guy. I work full time and I love my job most days. I work the normal M-F & 8-5 most days. I'm in accounting....and I've never been a numbers person but hey...the pay is good & numbers grown on you. Although I still feel like x-k = z is stupid. I'm not to shabby in the kitchen although since my children have gotten older I have to spend less and less time in there. I dream of being crafty but I doubt that dream will ever come true. I love to read. Give me a good romance novel that I can live my romantic dreams through and I am golden! I know real life isn't like that but again a girl can dream (hello 50 shades). I am a sucker for a good sitcom or drama on T.V. that I can DVR (I never have time to sit down till bed time). New favorite is "The Following" (you MUST watch this) . A lover of chocolate. I like a fruity wine but I can tip back a cold beer as well. I'm not a snop when it comes to drinking.  I have recently become an online shopper. It's so convenient! Although it is kind of getting out of control. KiKi La Rue is AMAZEBALLS. Awesome customer service. I just found GroopDealz as well. You should check out these two sites! My boyfriend has offically told me I have a problem. LOL

It would be nice if you click "Join this Site" over on the right hand side to follow my blog. If not.....Aliens will attack you in the middle of the night and  you will never be heard from again! Not really but hey....if it helps change your mind.

Sharing random pictures

Emotionally Exhausted!

 

Have you ever woke up on a Monday and just felt like you missed the weekend?

I had one hell of an emotionally exhausting week.

Work=Sucked

Personal life=Eh

Kids= One of them SUCKED and made me wonder why I gave birth j/k (kinda)

I just wanted to pull the covers back over my head, turn off the alarm and sleep Monday away. Maybe Tuesday would be a better day to start the week? Probably not. I sucked it up and went to work. 

 

 

 

 Work was busy and my co-workers seemed extra aggravating. My desk is a mess and I can't seem to find the bottom of it anywhere no many how many hours I work.

 

My daughter had a big weekend ahead of her. Friday was graduation practice and Sunday was the BIG Day!  We spent the week looking for a dress that she "had" to have even though you don't see anything under the gown. This was her last BIG high school event so I rolled with it. Not to mention she is my baby soooooo. She was stressed out Friday/Saturday because since she was class president she had to walk first & give a speech. She practiced & practiced that speech and I  listened and listened to it :)

 

My son has been on the outs with the family because he is 21 and a father and he KNOWS EVERYTHING! Really he does....it's crazy to think how I raised this kid. Did he get switched at birth? Is this just how all males act? Do they go crazy as teenagers? Do they lose their mind upon having sex? Really....What the HELL happened to my child!

 

None of the family cares for his girlfriend. I could do a month of blogs about why....seriously. It's not like I am a total bitch but ........ she is a bigger bitch.....and manipulative BEYOND belief. UGH enough about her.

 

Caitlin had asked Dylan to come to her graduation but said she didn't want satan Mariah there. Dylan proceeded to say if Mariah wasn't welcome he wouldn't be attending either. Caitlin broke down in tears and cried on my shoulder about how she has always been at everything for Dylan. Wrestling, Football, Baseball games etc. along with his graduation. I understood and told her it would be alright. I tried to be the neutral party and beg my son to come. I explained to him this only happens once. He can't take this back and one hour of his day/week/month isn't going to kill him. He still said he wouldn't attend.Well.......here is where the hell  fun begins.

 

Sunday came and the day seemed to be going off without a hitch. I kept myself busy with shampooing carpets. Trying not to think that my baby was graduating. You work so many years to get to this point. It is basically sweat, blood & tears. Raising kids is not easy folks! Anyway...she finally gets dressed and heads off to the school. After she leaves I get a call from my son saying he would be there. I think I could hear angels singing at that point. YES!! I thought....the PERFECT day is going to happen. Our whole family together.

 

 

HOLD THAT THOUGHT. So first off my son is late and misses Caitlin's whole speech. Fine..no big deal he is at least there to see her collect her diploma. Then I see it......he brought Mariah with him. My heart sunk. I knew Caitlin would be so upset. Sure enough I looked up on stage and I could see her wiping away tears. I never knew how mad disappointed you could be in a child until that point. I am so sick of him not considering anyone's feelings except his own. It was his sisters day dammit. Finally the ceremony was ending and I snuck out of my seat to go over to where Dylan was. He had my grandkids with him and I gave Adele a kiss and Braeden reached up for me to pick him up. I went to pick him up and was told by Mariah that is why Braeden is so bad because I always spoil him. WTF! SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! Keep your calm Joanne...was all I could think. I smiled and just said ..... no he just loves me. Anyway Dylan asked for Braeden back and said he was leaving. Braeden started crying and Dylan started to walk out. I said can you not just stay for one picture with your sister?  He continued to walk out. He didn't stay for a picture he just left. I started to cry. I couldn't believe my own flesh & blood could be so mean.

 

I decided that this was CAITLIN'S day and I wasn't going to let him ruin it. We took tons of pictures and smiled and laughed with the rest of the family and her friends. The grandparents all wanted to grab a bite to eat so we all proceeded to head to a local restaurant.   The dinner was good and conversation was nice and looking over at Caitlin I was filled with happiness & pride, yet another part of me was crushed because of my son's actions. This is the bad side of parenting. It is an emotional roller coaster.  After dinner she had a few grad parties she had to run to so we all parted ways.

 

Why am I sharing all this? Maybe I am just venting. Maybe I am still hurt. Maybe I wonder if I went wrong somewhere with my son. Maybe I wonder if I am/was cut out for this parenting business at all. Maybe I wonder why we rush through the younger years when the teenage/20's seem to SUCK the life out of you. Maybe I wonder if I am all alone in these feelings of disappointment. Am I?

 

 

What if?

What if:

I never had my son at 19 on my own ?
I may have went off to college and gotten a great job and lots of freedom but I wouldn't have a grandson I adore right now.

I hadn't met Scott (kids dad)?
I wouldn't have had a wonderful, caring man in my life who wanted to help me raise my son. I also wouldn't have had a beautiful daughter.

I hadn't met Mr. Wrong (ex-husband)  and spent so many years with him?

I wouldn't have known how broken a heart can be. I also wouldn't have learned how to love others through their faults. I wouldn't have never learned how to open my heart to children that were not my own and love them like my own. I would have missed out on a lot of life lessons. I know God had a reason.



What if I never had children?

I would have missed out on some of the best moments of my life! I feel like I walked across that stage with them, because they carry my heart with them where ever they go in life.

Currently I am (Fun post)

Currently, I am...

Wearing: Lots of sneakers. Since the weather here in good ol' Illinois cannot figure out if it is Spring or Winter this is what I stick with most days. I'm logging for flip-flop weather it is b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l today so maybe mother nature is done with her PMS!

Reading:  This Is Why Your FAT  by Jackie Warner

Watching: What I eat. I'm trying to be more conscious of what I'm eating and how much. I'm not on a diet and I'm not eating clean {because I don't understand it & I don't want to set myself up for failure}, I'm just trying to be more aware of what's going into my body. I've been feeling tired and sluggish, so it's time for some changes.

Thinking About: Working out during my lunch. I have a co-worker who say's she will run with me and I figure I can take a quick prison bath after in the washroom. :)

Loving:  Life I am looking for a new house. I am planning Caitlin's graduation 5-19-13 and her grad party 5-25 and then we jet off for a twelve day trip to Austria, Switzerland, Monoco, Paris and a few other little places! So excited to do this trip with her!

Looking Forward To: COLOR VIBE! The countdown to my first run of the year...actually two years. T-minus 25 days! I can't back out I have a group I'm running with. Lord help me!


Disliking: My son- He is 21 and knows everything. I wish there was a manual that told you about how all this parenthood shit worked! What I would give to have him be little again. {He liked me then}