Being a mother

As I sit here on my flight to Arizona I struggle with the guilt of being a mother. Sever people at work today asked me "Are you excited about your weekend trip"? Yes, I am excited I would answer. But my heart felt sad at the same time so no, I wasn't excited is what I felt I should have said.

I don't know if mommy guilt ever goes away. I mean my kids are 21(almost) and 17. My youngest is the only one at home and she is leaving for college in 3 months. She pushes me out the door as I try to smoother her with kisses and hugs knowing I'm leaving her behind. She politely takes the affection and says "bye see ya Monday" it is more than obvious the guilt lay within me not her.

I don't leave my children....the standing joke used to be everywhere I went you could see them tagging along like a mother duck. Gone are the days of them wanting to be with me everyday. Most days I have to see if either one has free time for me. They are both growing up. My son has a family of his own and my daughter is on the fast track to adulthood. I am now the soon to be empty nester and I hate it. I still want them to need me the way I need them. Does this make sense?

So as I sit on this plane heading to AZ for my best friends 40th birthday. I struggle with happiness & mommy guilt.

Girls day

Had a fun day hanging out with some friends. We went and all had our makeup done and then headed out for lunch. I found it quiet funny we ended up at a place called the London pub & grill.

Life changing purchase.....lots of them

Have you ever went into a store for one or two items and walked out with a cartfull of stuff ?? I'm sure I am the only person that does this.

You know your walking down an aisle and you see a new cleaning product and you convince yourself that you need it. I mean it is non toxic it has lemongrass or lavender to calm you. My house will smell so good and it will look so much cleaner if only I buy/try this. Yeah...so you use it once...maybe twice and sure the house looks/smells great but guess what did it change your life ??? NO--- Damit that cleaner doesn't work by itself.. LOL  Money= $20.00

How about the jeans that you just know you have to have. You try them on your butt looks better than ever your feeling great! They will definitely give you a new look .... now you need some new shirts to go with your new jeans. Maybe even some shoes! I am in love with heels...I always feel like I need a pair. How often do I wear heels? Close to NEVER. but I love them....I feel like they are going to add something to my life.  Am I the only one who does this? I walk into a store needing nothing and walk out with a whole new outfit or two :)   Money = $200.00

So I'm just curious am I the only person who can't live without stuff that I live without everyday? Heven help the man I marry someday.

LONDON

London = AMAZING

There was a time where I would have thought I'd never care to go to London. Give me the tropical beaches for vacation--and lots of drinks....that is where I want to be!

This trip was different than I'd ever expected. London is breathtaking. I also cannot tell you how many people I bummed into because I was just looking around me like a toddler at all times. My eyes were to the sky, trees and the majestic buildings that surrounded me. It is a must go destination I say this from the bottom of my heart.

I've never been big into history. This trip changed that. You are walking along and you see blocks where Hitler bombed the city. You walk into St. Pauls Cathedral and you are in awe of the beauty that was created hundreds of years ago and the fact that Churchill did everything he could to save this building. You are taken back in time and you can only imagine what it must have been like.

I would like to give myself a pat on the back. The time change really messed with me. So I did something I NEVER do on vacation.....

Yep I actually used the hotel gym! I actually loved it and had a couple of the best runs ever!
I also walked 529 stairs at St. Paul's cathedral .... Yep 👏 I know hold your applause. Not to mention walking everywhere we went. I am proud to say when I arrived back home I had only gained two lbs and I really don't think I even gained that. Given the time change flight, water retention etc. I'm going to check the scale on Sunday. I figure ill give myself a week back home..... Now just time to get my butt working out cuz I've been a BIG SLACKER since I've been home. 👎

Graduation nears

So Caitlin and I spent the night stuffing grad invites. It is a bitter sweet time for me. I mean I am so proud if her my baby is growing up. She is going to do great things I just know it. She is beautiful, smart, funny and so much more. Summer will come and go fast this year I know with just months looming until she goes off to college. Ill be an empty nester .... Ill be on my own for the first time in my life. I went from high school to motherhood overnight. Being a mother at 19 wasn't easy but "most" (lol) days it is so worth it.

One...ONEderland....yeah

I finally made it! Now I just have to stay here.... Or keep going down! Treated myself to a massage after work!

Today....I understand why animals do it.

Did you know some animals eat their young? SERIOUSLY--you can read about it here Why some animals eat their young  or here animals eating their young.

I have a 21 year old who knows EVERYTHING! I am a complete idiot in his eyes. I have wiped his butt,tears and wounds for years and this is the reward I get?!? WTH!
He is a complete moron....I wouldn't say this to just anyone but I have to get it out there. I wish you could look into the future and see all the STUPID shit they would do and just decide then...ehhhh better not.

My 17 year old is a genius in her own right as well. You know she tells me how awful it is what I am cooking dinner or don't I understand she has homework to do therefore she cannot pick up her socks off the FLOOR!

I struggled through single parent hood. I sacrificed for my children. I even worked three jobs at one point.
I had them in sports throughout the year. Baseball, football, tumbling, dance, wrestling, cheer leading, volleyball and track. I have spent hours on benches and fence lines watching the two of them. Now I find myself asking why? Why do we do it? I often wonder if I am the only parent who gets this disrespect?
I give and I give and they take and take.

Don't get me wrong I love my children and would die for them. But some days...like today I just wish I could lock them up in a room and beat some sense into them. I really don't think my 21 year old has a brain!!!! I don't know if any of my DNA was transferred to him at all.  My daughter....she is bullheaded like me and thinks sometimes....but LAZY....yes I have to cap it because she puts the L in LAZY.

So enjoy those babies.....because they turn into teenage/twenish MONSTERS....and trust me you will begin to understand why some ANIMALS EAT THEIR YOUNG. LOL